If you’re not Dutch, you’re probably wondering what on earth’s been going on in The Netherlands these past few weeks. No, not with ‘Zwarte Piet’ (Blackface) himself, but with the way this issue is being debated. We can’t blame you. After all, it’s because we have our own, very peculiar way of debating. So to help you get a grip on the pandemonious melee we call ‘a good discussion’, here are the rules:
1. Everybody is always right about everything.
It’s in our constitution! We have freedom of expression (7th amendment) and we are all equal (1st amendment). So your opinion can’t possibly be more right than mine. You can see it in our government: the ruling Liberals say they’re promoting trade and businesses which will increase income. At the same time, coalition partners Social-democrats say we’re ‘levelling out’, which means people’s incomes will be more equal. Of course, they are both right.
2. Everything is true
Everything. So not just your point of view; we already know that from rule #1. But everything you say to prove you’re right, is true. We don’t care about the difference between facts or opinion. We even have a unique word for it: ‘Beeldvorming’, roughly translated as “the image people now take for the truth, even when they could have known it’s not.” Former prime-minister Balkenende often complained about people not liking his policies: “we failed to explain how good our policies are.” Basically, he discarded criticism as ‘wrong Beeldvorming. ’
3. Everything is logical.
Now that we know you’re right (rule #1) and everything you say is true (rule #2), it’s time to do the math: everything you say proves your point. We don’t care about the correlation between statements or explanations, or alleged cause and effect. The best example is our national football team: every time they enter a World Championship, we expect them to win. Why? Because they participate. After all: why participate if you don’t expect to win?!
4 Never openly agree with anyone.
Wait, what about those first three rules? How can you refuse to agree with someone whom you know is just as right as you are? If you reason that way, you’re obviously not Dutch. Yes, this fourth rule is completely contradictory to the first three. But that’s exactly why we added it; you don’t need a fourth rule if it’s the same as the first three. Sounds odd? It’s tradition in our parliament. Budget was heavily opposed in parliament this fall. Then, the opposing parties met behind closed doors and within a week they had an agreement with the government. Which the opposing parties announced by telling how they managed to save the country with their own amendments. And of course, by repeating they couldn’t possibly agree with the budget as a whole, but they did, “for the sake of the country.”
Debating Blackface
Thanks to these rules, the debate can be summarized as follows: Blackface is (not) racism (rule #1) because he’s working for a white person (rule #3) and his character is based on a (freed) slave (rule #2), so you’re wrong (rule #4). This might come in handy when you find yourself in a Blackface discussion amongst Dutchmen. Just don’t actually win this debate. Winning would be rude. After all, we Dutchies made up these rules so we could indulge in our favorite pastime: endless quarrelling.
